The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
I just have to remind myself that I am speaking to zombies most of the time. It means no reaction on my part is required. But I said they were infants, too, and that is what you experience if you get too close. You get into the “good breast” “bad breast” Kleinian reactions, and if you do not give them, immediately, the nourishment they need, they pronounce you evil and claim you have attacked them in some way. Remarkable,
Saturday 31 January 2015
the uneducated who will not be educated
The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
Actually what will happen is that they will create a mediocre destiny for themselves. They’ve been trying to bring the intellectuals down to their level for some time now, by insisting on such things as the essentialising of gender and the need for teachers only ever to show their nourishing side, but we are at a turning point where this not only isn’t working but is EVIDENTLY not working. We see the signs in the turning toward private education of more moneyed families so that their children can be subject to authority. We see it in the gravitation of the less educated toward forming ideological cliques where their views get affirmed by others of a similar mind, but where no actual intellectual growth is allowed to take place. These cliques expel the intellectuals, leading them to go elsewhere. We see that those who do not have a stomach for education, because they do not like having to submit to its discipline, renounce it. Why educate them if they are resistant? We have reached a turning point where infidels must simply be allowed to “go their own way”. Don’t stand in the way of flooding water. The genuine intellects do not form part of the main stream. Those who demand to be indulged will get exactly what they are looking for – on an intellectual level. On the level of compliancy with the requirements of the ideological dogmas they have embraced, (which they do not have the intellectual acumen to examine effectively), they will endure the amount of mental slavery that is suitable to them, along with its social and political ramifications. It’s not others who will choose that for them, but they themselves. Those capable of intellectual growth will stand aside and let them find their comfortable level, knowing full well that comfort and intellectual growth are in most ways the opposite.
Actually what will happen is that they will create a mediocre destiny for themselves. They’ve been trying to bring the intellectuals down to their level for some time now, by insisting on such things as the essentialising of gender and the need for teachers only ever to show their nourishing side, but we are at a turning point where this not only isn’t working but is EVIDENTLY not working. We see the signs in the turning toward private education of more moneyed families so that their children can be subject to authority. We see it in the gravitation of the less educated toward forming ideological cliques where their views get affirmed by others of a similar mind, but where no actual intellectual growth is allowed to take place. These cliques expel the intellectuals, leading them to go elsewhere. We see that those who do not have a stomach for education, because they do not like having to submit to its discipline, renounce it. Why educate them if they are resistant? We have reached a turning point where infidels must simply be allowed to “go their own way”. Don’t stand in the way of flooding water. The genuine intellects do not form part of the main stream. Those who demand to be indulged will get exactly what they are looking for – on an intellectual level. On the level of compliancy with the requirements of the ideological dogmas they have embraced, (which they do not have the intellectual acumen to examine effectively), they will endure the amount of mental slavery that is suitable to them, along with its social and political ramifications. It’s not others who will choose that for them, but they themselves. Those capable of intellectual growth will stand aside and let them find their comfortable level, knowing full well that comfort and intellectual growth are in most ways the opposite.
Japan
The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
Yeah, true to form I heard that Abe declares that Japan will “never forgive”.
- Nobody else seems to be doing anything about it. Let’s hope the Japanese start pushing for a more active response.
- I am almost certain this will happen. Japan cannot lose face. They have this inheritance of aristocratic nobility. Also as a culture the Japanese are way more rational than the West. They’re not absorbed in navel gazing. They will act coolly and decisively.
Apolitical Politics
The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
- It’s political on another level, though, in the sense that people do band together with like feelings and oust those whose feeling-sensations are different from theirs. The problem is they increasingly do this until all that is left is to oust themselves. The hair of acceptability becomes split all the more narrowly.Anyway. as for Japan, this is a stoical nation but its feelings run deep belying the coolness it evinces in the surface. We will have to see what happens now.
- Yes, this is what we now have instead of politics: a battle of vague resentments. God, how I hate when people respond to arguments with stupid sulky grimaces of silent resentment.
- It’s like people haven’t grown adult teeth yet. That is how I see it. They can’t digest the meaty, complex material. They get angry if you give them adult food.
Remembering the Sexist | Clarissa's Blog
Remembering the Sexist | Clarissa's Blog
I remember seeing it and going WTF? I saw it during a time when I was imposing a severe level of discipline on myself not to give patriarchal types any part of me they could grab hold of. I was very vulnerable at that time, under attack from the left and right, and I just thought all I could do was to be extremely self-disciplined and hold myself together.
I remember seeing it and going WTF? I saw it during a time when I was imposing a severe level of discipline on myself not to give patriarchal types any part of me they could grab hold of. I was very vulnerable at that time, under attack from the left and right, and I just thought all I could do was to be extremely self-disciplined and hold myself together.
The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
The Apolitical Political Correctness | Clarissa's Blog
See, well, yeah, I called those oversensitive complaining types “Westerners”, but I may now shift the terminology to “consumers” as it may make more sense. I only called them “Westerners” in the first case due to my deep culture shock. I just couldn’t believe it and still can’t. You can represent a historical fact or even an autobiographical detail and people will take this as an attack on themselves. They hide away in language, calling people fascists and colonialists, but they are afraid of direct reality.
Shocking, really.
But not as bad as this:
Friday 30 January 2015
The Upsetting Reality Of Modern Day Poverty, but even this is first world problems
The Upsetting Reality Of Modern Day Poverty. | kathleen kerridge
You could have tried to eat North Korean "samp" flavored delicately with the taste of moldy Korean weavils. Or tried Kapenta. I've done all this and I am "advantaged" because I lived in Zimbabwe.
The reality of poverty is counting the 5p coins saved in a bottle, and sending a 10 year old to buy a packet of cheap pasta and a tin of tomatoes, because it’s embarrassing to have to pay with coins. The reality is eating plain boiled rice and pretending to like it, so the kids don’t know there’s no other food except for what is on their plates. The reality is having an electric meter, running always on emergency credit, because you can’t afford to get out of the cycle you’re trapped in. It’s making the choice between putting the heating on for an hour, or going cold and being able to buy a pack of sausages and some potatoes.
You could have tried to eat North Korean "samp" flavored delicately with the taste of moldy Korean weavils. Or tried Kapenta. I've done all this and I am "advantaged" because I lived in Zimbabwe.
APEHEAD: In the Name of Anti-fascism | Clarissa's Blog
APEHEAD: In the Name of Anti-fascism | Clarissa's Blog
In the Name of Anti-fascism | Clarissa's Blog
In the Name of Anti-fascism | Clarissa's Blog
It’s like the tribal wars that are permitted to take place in the name of “anti-colonialism”. The words and the concepts dominate, but the realities do not matter and neither does death. We are living in a world of abundant stupidity where people think they know what things are, but assuredly do not, no matter how much evidence is presented to them. Mugabe learned this trick. Just start killing and call it “anti-colonialism”. Everyone then goes along with it like docile sheep.
As I keep pointing out, the wounding at the base of the Western psyche is its fear of being identified as “colonial” and from this comes the whole distortion of the Western psyche and its capacity to take in reality. He gets stuck on words and attributes too much meaning to them because he is afraid to take in political and historical meaning
Summarizing the theory of intellectual shamanism; & the curtain falls
Published on 30 Jan 2015
I summarize my theory of intellectual shamanisms a whole, looking back on what I have achieved with it and let fall the curtain on developing the theory after a final bow. I did forget to mention that the white, colonial identity forms the locked basement of the Western mind, invoking fear. It is the one area that they do not permit themselves to enter and yet it contains the anxiety that causes the overall identity to form the way it does. I also seem to have mentioned, in the video, that Western women tend to be hysterics. I do not really mean that generally, except that I have recently experienced some views again, regarding identity politics, that I deem to be overtly crazy. Intellectual shamanism embraces the opposite principle to identity politics -- not defensively enclosing oneself in within a narrow identity but moving into the different parts of the mind to understand and know more about the society one lives in. Intellectual shamanism expands health through our understanding more and more about the political and historical divisions that separate our different identities and which thereby effectively limit our psychological wholeness.
Thursday 29 January 2015
50 Shades: The Movie | Clarissa's Blog
50 Shades: The Movie | Clarissa's Blog
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I have a feeling that sometimes I am stepping on the Yankee toes just by talking to them. I’m not actively driving all my energies to help them become ‘a success’ and therefore I am perceived as an obstruction, who must be killed off. That’s okay by me, if they want to limit their range and understanding when it comes to intellectual development. More troubling by far is the notion that my character can only ever be read and processed as if it were completely earnest (or appropriate for me only ever to be completely earnest). These assumptions lead Americans to apply their pathological categories, which I consider would be more suitably applied to themselves. (Generally, when I have looked into it, this has been the case — quite a few projections.)
I am definitely on the side of making faulty products, in the European (and perhaps Zimbabwean) manner. My principles are aesthetic and intellectual, not monetary, and I am happy for them to be that way. This makes for a good way of thinking and a good way of life.
I think where Americans go badly wrong is where they become all preachy and start giving uninvited advice about how to orient myself to the world to be “a success”. I look and I see that they can’t get even such a basic thing as sexuality right, and I am not inclined to pay heed. Art and sexuality are messy but productive. The very trimmed and denatured version of women that they keep demanding is neither of these.
50 Shades: The Movie | Clarissa's Blog
50 Shades: The Movie | Clarissa's Blog The notion that the female character is necessarily earnest and thus requires deep connections and “real asian ships” (not like the Korean ferry disaster) is one of the mainstays of American culture. I believe it may also be a British notion to some lesser extent. It’s definitely not part of French culture, which is why I find their cultural products so liberating. I have found in the past that when I have been ironic or joking around Americans, they become not just a little unsettled but completely mentally disturbed. It’s not part of their views that women behave in this way. I must be a non-woman or a damaged and violent woman or something outside of their frame of consciousness. But watch a French movie and there are all sorts of people behaving ironically. It really isn’t intended to put anybody down or to make a man feel less than a man. My mannerisms and behavior have nothing to do with somebody who isn’t me. But the Americans latch on to this notion that women need real asian ships. We have to form them with all and sundry and in a docile and respectful way. Anything sexual is particularly hateful to the ideologically fixed consciousness. Somehow it indicates things being out of control. But the French seem to segue their sexual imagery into their general narratives without any difficulty.
Your Immune System Is Made, Not Born - Scientific American
Your Immune System Is Made, Not Born - Scientific American
But there is also evidence to suggest cytomegalovirus could have benefits. Research in mice shows that cytomegalovirus-infected animals do better at fighting off bacterial pathogens. And in a study of monkeys, researchers discovered that a cytomegalovirus-based vaccine protected 50 percent of animals from infection by simian immunodeficiency virus.
Stop Whining, Freddie deBoer. | Clarissa's Blog
Stop Whining, Freddie deBoer. | Clarissa's Blog
You are supposed to use the expression “[something] challenged” rather than disabled. Anyway, whether or not one allows oneself to be browbeaten by others correcting one’s terminology depends on whether one feels one belongs in the social and cultural setting where people are setting these values, or not. Then there are other levels of mischief where right-wingers pretend they are being overrun, when they are not. The right has learned to play the victim card and does this very effectively. I have personally found that if people feel you are not a desirable person to have around, they will play the victim card. Those least likely to play it are black Africans, who are usually mature and resoundingly normal. White people, though, are a little bit iffy.
You are supposed to use the expression “[something] challenged” rather than disabled. Anyway, whether or not one allows oneself to be browbeaten by others correcting one’s terminology depends on whether one feels one belongs in the social and cultural setting where people are setting these values, or not. Then there are other levels of mischief where right-wingers pretend they are being overrun, when they are not. The right has learned to play the victim card and does this very effectively. I have personally found that if people feel you are not a desirable person to have around, they will play the victim card. Those least likely to play it are black Africans, who are usually mature and resoundingly normal. White people, though, are a little bit iffy.
As for the structure of my book, it will also be modeled on THE BLACK INSIDER. That is because I need a blueprint or some constraints to work within and it seems to me that, for touching on the issues that deeply interest me, this will do rather nicely. The mixture of philosophy, political commentary and action is desirable, and it is fine to have things taking place on many levels, literal and metaphorical at the same time. Also, TBI explores violence (political and psychological), which I know a bit about.
Genetic Memory: How We Know Things We Never Learned - Scientific American
Genetic Memory: How We Know Things We Never Learned - Scientific American
This seems to pertain to shamanism as a traumatic injury that produces results.
Indeed recent cases of “acquired savants” or “accidental genius” have convinced me that we all have such factory-installed software. I discussed some of those cases in detail in the August issue of Scientific American under the title “Accidental Genius”. In short, certain persons, after head injury or disease, show explosive and sometimes prodigious musical, art or mathematical ability, which lies dormant until released by a process of recruitment of still intact and uninjured brain areas, rewiring to those newly recruited areas and releasing the until then latent capacity contained therein.
This seems to pertain to shamanism as a traumatic injury that produces results.
Genetic Memory: How We Know Things We Never Learned - Scientific American
Genetic Memory: How We Know Things We Never Learned - Scientific American
I met my first savant 52 years ago and have been intrigued with that remarkable condition ever since. One of the most striking and consistent things in the many savants I have seen is that that they clearly know things they never learned.
tumbular 2
Marechera wrote is BLACK INSIDER to portray the inside of an arts faculty building after it had been largely abandoned except for a few interlocutors. I would like to portray my next book as taking place in the grey world that remains after all the events of life have taken place, when action is no longer possible, only thought.
I know that there will be apelike creatures, who had flown spacecraft and completed their mission. Some will reflect on how their transcendence was defeated by gravity. Others, on the speedy thrill of the journey.
I know that there will be apelike creatures, who had flown spacecraft and completed their mission. Some will reflect on how their transcendence was defeated by gravity. Others, on the speedy thrill of the journey.
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
As for why I know that anti-colonials are not, by necessity, “good people”, I just have to look at the weird things they project onto me. I can see the way they’ve blocked my progress and communication because they fear “colonialism”. These are NOT enlightened people, folks, but full of infantile projections.
As for why I know that anti-colonials are not, by necessity, “good people”, I just have to look at the weird things they project onto me. I can see the way they’ve blocked my progress and communication because they fear “colonialism”. These are NOT enlightened people, folks, but full of infantile projections.
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
This pertains to the whole BS of demanding sensitivity and making sensitivity out to have a political meaning. The naive assumption is that the more sensitive we can become, the better for all involved, but I am of the opposite opinion, that if we have a clear and overarching social order (something akin to absolutism) we can avoid the worst traits of human infantile regression into paranoia, fear and blame. I’m very much not of the view that having any sort of power or respect for one’s own values is negative. To be even clearer, I see patriarchal authority as being predicated, more often than not, on an extreme form of infantilism — the fear of women. The agenda of heightening sensitivity is in exact opposition to any feminist outcome.
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
"All good people agree that British and French colonialism are just about completely to blame for any social dysfunction to found in their former colonies and that the UK and France must pay for their past crimes.”
Actually historical determinist explanations like this really aren’t that good at all. I say this as someone who really does embrace history and historical explanations. But there was no primeval innocence. There have always been circumstances where groups have dominated and exploited other groups. In most cases where national boundaries have been drawn arbitrarily and discipline and control imposed in the same manner, the reduction of tribalistic hostilitites can be expected. Saddam Hussein performed that role of putting the lid on antagonisms between the Sunni and the Shia, until America intervened and the basic control mechanism was removed. You can’t say that imposition of power from above was the problem. Sunni and Shia would not have got along like pygmies in a forest in the absence of any imposed control. (Obviously not, as recent history itself tells us.)
In the same way, you cannot say that British colonialism was wholly to blame for reigniting the hostilities between the Shona and Ndebele in Zimbabwe. The removal of colonial control was equally to blame for Gukurahundi.
War Nerd Explains Putinoids | Clarissa's Blog
War Nerd Explains Putinoids | Clarissa's Blog
I should mention that absolutism (cited by War Nerd as pertaining to the British) is also not a bad thing, although I have had to, out of peril for my life, oppose a patriarchal absolutism that made the world small and captured me in a very tiny cage. If you want beautiful aesthetics of life and death, you need absolutism: eg. DH Lawrence and Lawrence of Arabia.
I should mention that absolutism (cited by War Nerd as pertaining to the British) is also not a bad thing, although I have had to, out of peril for my life, oppose a patriarchal absolutism that made the world small and captured me in a very tiny cage. If you want beautiful aesthetics of life and death, you need absolutism: eg. DH Lawrence and Lawrence of Arabia.
War Nerd Explains Putinoids | Clarissa's Blog
War Nerd Explains Putinoids | Clarissa's Blog
I f they have the opposite of power, though, they have the opposite of organisation. This means the rule of passing sentiment, including the negative sensations of fear, paranoia, envy, etc.
I f they have the opposite of power, though, they have the opposite of organisation. This means the rule of passing sentiment, including the negative sensations of fear, paranoia, envy, etc.
Wednesday 28 January 2015
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
As for the British, I am part of the colonial British, but nobody will listen to me at all, even when I am astringently critical of them. They prefer their meal in black and white. I know them deeply, though, their pluses and minuses and their foibles and what seem to me to be pretensions. On the other side there is a lot of bravey and “stiff upper lip” doesn’t begin to cover it when it comes to colonial mastery. I don’t see everything in a bad light. Indeed, aesthetically there can be nothing more delightful than sitting at the very edges of civilising power and seeing a steep descent before you into absolute wilderness. This is very pleasurable. And I do identify with many of the sentiments of Kipling.
As for the British, I am part of the colonial British, but nobody will listen to me at all, even when I am astringently critical of them. They prefer their meal in black and white. I know them deeply, though, their pluses and minuses and their foibles and what seem to me to be pretensions. On the other side there is a lot of bravey and “stiff upper lip” doesn’t begin to cover it when it comes to colonial mastery. I don’t see everything in a bad light. Indeed, aesthetically there can be nothing more delightful than sitting at the very edges of civilising power and seeing a steep descent before you into absolute wilderness. This is very pleasurable. And I do identify with many of the sentiments of Kipling.
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | Clarissa's Blog
I think the bigger picture of all of this is that what is selectively attended to or ignored has to do with the obsession of Western leftists with the Western colonialism that started around 19C. Anything that detracts from this narrative of the evil West has to be downplayed. As I have said, the contemporary Western character structure, insofar as it is politically constructed, relies on forming reaction formations to its own sense of colonial guilt and making this the centrepiece of one’s identity. As for actual historical and political fact or the suffering of others, that can be damned. Western leftists are interested in themselves and in how to make their martyrdom dance look good to themselves.
I think the bigger picture of all of this is that what is selectively attended to or ignored has to do with the obsession of Western leftists with the Western colonialism that started around 19C. Anything that detracts from this narrative of the evil West has to be downplayed. As I have said, the contemporary Western character structure, insofar as it is politically constructed, relies on forming reaction formations to its own sense of colonial guilt and making this the centrepiece of one’s identity. As for actual historical and political fact or the suffering of others, that can be damned. Western leftists are interested in themselves and in how to make their martyrdom dance look good to themselves.
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | PandoDaily
The War Nerd: Boko Haram and the Demon Consensus | PandoDaily
I should know; I’ve been trying to get people interested in massacred Africans for what feels like half my life. And you know who was NEVER interested? Those same jihadi-sucking lefties who are now claiming to be so concerned with Boko’s victims.
Books
I now have a couple of versions of my memoir available. I have reissued the first version, Minus the Morning (paperback), which I have to say is a very youthful memoir. This is not to be confused with Minus the Morning (version 3), which is a paperback version of The Father Daughter War. There's not much philosophical depth to it, although there is some psychology and a lot of very great descriptive passages.
The much more recent version, The Father Daughter War does have a lot of philosophical depth and I am quite proud of it.
Shorter books available by me are African Death and the Holy Trilogy and Insouciant Poems. These are cruder, in some respects, more direct reflections on war and the aftermath of war respectively. Of course both of these productions are heavily psychological as well.
The much more recent version, The Father Daughter War does have a lot of philosophical depth and I am quite proud of it.
Shorter books available by me are African Death and the Holy Trilogy and Insouciant Poems. These are cruder, in some respects, more direct reflections on war and the aftermath of war respectively. Of course both of these productions are heavily psychological as well.
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
IN theory, but actually one never gets to the bottom of it, thus necessitating further purges. Ideally we all have to become like infants or the disabled who are unable to defend themselves. Only then will we be rectified.
IN theory, but actually one never gets to the bottom of it, thus necessitating further purges. Ideally we all have to become like infants or the disabled who are unable to defend themselves. Only then will we be rectified.
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Yeah, but the Muslims sold the kafirs into slavery because they were good of heart and trying to teach them about morality. This is entirely different from Western colonialism, which is exploitative.
Yeah, but the Muslims sold the kafirs into slavery because they were good of heart and trying to teach them about morality. This is entirely different from Western colonialism, which is exploitative.
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Michelle Stands up for Dignity | Clarissa's Blog
Oh wow, that is going to hurt their feelings. It’s a new form of colonialism.
Oh wow, that is going to hurt their feelings. It’s a new form of colonialism.
Tuesday 27 January 2015
Severity
I used to act in a mode of great severity to any sort of criticism. This wasn't because I was taking it personally, but because in the past being able to correctly evaluate and respond to requirements was realistically a matter of life and death. (I remember when my father said, "If terrorists start shooting, duck to the floor of the car and stay there until I tell you it is okay again. I'll tell you when.")
In modern culture, people have considered this to be a sign of "sensitivity to criticism", but I haven't known what they are talking about. Either their instructions for obedience were legitimate -- in which case it would have been wise for me to follow them -- or they were not.
In modern culture, people have considered this to be a sign of "sensitivity to criticism", but I haven't known what they are talking about. Either their instructions for obedience were legitimate -- in which case it would have been wise for me to follow them -- or they were not.
The wild element in book writing
The key to writing a new book may not be to open new territory, but to go deeper into that territory I already know. I may not have deeply explicated a few things--not as deeply as I would have liked.
I do feel that I understand my style now, which has nothing to do with academic precision. Indeed, academically I am a sloppy writer, taking years if not decades to refine my terms. (I do persist with it, much to my credit, even to the point that right now I am satisfied, after beginning the project of intellectual shamanism in 2005.)
The most difficult aspect of writing for me is to open up the channel to my feelings, as most of the time this stays closed. When it opens, I suddenly see more, much more than I had been taking in before. I used to think, believe it or not, entirely in abstractions. It used to take me the longest time to come to terms with anything anybody said to me, because I would have to determine whether it was -- in the abstract -- right or wrong.
Now everything has changed, in fact I do not even feel like the same person. I can accept much more readily that when I screw up in my attempts to be academically precise that this is precisely what I am supposed to do, if I am going to be me. My words are more literary than precise, unless they happen to be those words that I have been working on for around a decade.
To understand one's natural voice is so important. To know where one is likely to go wrong means that one has more opportunity to offset the strange things against a different kind of voice. Nothing whatsoever is wrong in a literary text unless it fails to be counterbalanced. That is key.
Consequently, to work with the slightly jaunty, misshapen ideas is necessary and can produce a lot of fun. In any case one must go with one's character and not adopt a feeling of fighting against it.
I think an element of chaos always finds its way into my work. I let it take root there. If it grows up wild and sturdy, well and good. That is part of what is in me, that needs to find expression. I let certain elements of chaos that I have noticed find their way to be at home in my writing. There have been malapropisms, errors relating to hidden coding in the layout, and other elements of chaos that come from working with material that initially appears as alien, for whatever reason. (It may be I am working with parts of my mind that are not used to appearing.)
Writiing is a process of shaping and counterbalancing the mysterious elements that appear. I don't want to tame them totally -- I want to let them have their expression. To lose the sense of the wild in what I do would be like to annihilate myself.
I do feel that I understand my style now, which has nothing to do with academic precision. Indeed, academically I am a sloppy writer, taking years if not decades to refine my terms. (I do persist with it, much to my credit, even to the point that right now I am satisfied, after beginning the project of intellectual shamanism in 2005.)
The most difficult aspect of writing for me is to open up the channel to my feelings, as most of the time this stays closed. When it opens, I suddenly see more, much more than I had been taking in before. I used to think, believe it or not, entirely in abstractions. It used to take me the longest time to come to terms with anything anybody said to me, because I would have to determine whether it was -- in the abstract -- right or wrong.
Now everything has changed, in fact I do not even feel like the same person. I can accept much more readily that when I screw up in my attempts to be academically precise that this is precisely what I am supposed to do, if I am going to be me. My words are more literary than precise, unless they happen to be those words that I have been working on for around a decade.
To understand one's natural voice is so important. To know where one is likely to go wrong means that one has more opportunity to offset the strange things against a different kind of voice. Nothing whatsoever is wrong in a literary text unless it fails to be counterbalanced. That is key.
Consequently, to work with the slightly jaunty, misshapen ideas is necessary and can produce a lot of fun. In any case one must go with one's character and not adopt a feeling of fighting against it.
I think an element of chaos always finds its way into my work. I let it take root there. If it grows up wild and sturdy, well and good. That is part of what is in me, that needs to find expression. I let certain elements of chaos that I have noticed find their way to be at home in my writing. There have been malapropisms, errors relating to hidden coding in the layout, and other elements of chaos that come from working with material that initially appears as alien, for whatever reason. (It may be I am working with parts of my mind that are not used to appearing.)
Writiing is a process of shaping and counterbalancing the mysterious elements that appear. I don't want to tame them totally -- I want to let them have their expression. To lose the sense of the wild in what I do would be like to annihilate myself.
Monday 26 January 2015
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